What better way to end a series of posts about the attributes we should help our children possess than with self-control? HAHAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!! Do you find this difficult? Think about all it encompasses ~ We are told to have self-control when...
*Eating
*Speaking
*Working
*Thinking
*Spending our free time
*Having a conversation
*Teaching
*Learning
*Searching
...and so much more! A long post ago, I mentioned that in order to teach the Fruit of the Spirit attributes to our children, we must have them in place in our lives first, in order to model them to our sweeties. We can grasp larger concepts so think of these instances where self-control is shown & think of how they can be applied to your life.
~When Jesus was tempted in the garden by Satan himself in Matthew 4, He had not eaten for 40 days & was hungry. Imagine how vulnerable a person could be after this period of time, yet 3 times He repeats, "It is written..." He doesn't fight Satan with emotions or vacant words. He uses the very Word of God to surround Himself with armor & tells Satan TO HIS FACE "For it is written..." & then gives him the reason why Satan's temptation was only an attempt at temptation. We can overcome by knowing God's Word so that when temptation arises, we can say as Jesus did, "For it is written..."
~When Judas approaches Jesus in the garden, Jesus doesn't freak out, knowing the hour has come. He simply says, "Do what you came to do." On one of the most difficult days of my life, my family basically had to say those words. Letting go was BEYOND difficult; Knowing it had to happen was understood. The only comfort of that moment was knowing the Lord had this in His hand & under His control & that His grace was sufficient for us.
~Twice when Jesus was asked during the final days of His life if He was in fact the Son of God, The King of the Jews, He replies by saying, "You have said so." Jesus had made Himself KNOWN as God's Son, yet those who are still so self-involved cannot see it. If I were in that position, I may have rolled my eyes thinking, 'These people cannot be serious STILL!' Or, I may have shouted back at them, wanting to shake them into belief that, 'HELLLLLLOOOOOO people ~ did you not see the miracles? When I fed 5,000 was that not good enough? The parable of the weeds didn't get through to you I see?! What more do you need?!!!!!' Jesus had already spoken to His Father & knew that this cup was not going to pass so instead, He doesn't argue with them but again, simply states the Truth.
~During His Crucifixion, He was, for no valid reason, beaten, tortured, mocked, scorned, shoved, kicked, spit on, abused & shamed. They laughed at Him. They threw things at Him. They split His hands & feet with nails. They watched Him, even laughed, as He hung on the cross dying. Did He call out to the people asking for relief? No. He completed the task asked of Him & cried out in His last breath, "It is finished."
Realizing those examples were the Savior himself and knowing we can never, while here on Earth, attain that, do you show self-control when your children throw temper tantrums? Do you speak to them in a controlled voice, giving them direct instruction on what you need for them to do at that very instance or do you get all heated yourself and only add fuel to the fire by yelling & reprimanding them in the middle of everyone & everything? Can you say to your child, "No, you cannot have this toy at the third store we are visiting because you have ten bazillion at home & no means no" or do you repeat no eight times until finally, through his/her teary eyes & loud screams of WHY MOMMY/DADDY, WHY, you cave in because you are tired of fighting with them? Children understand self-control when you model it. They learn best from watching & listening to you. Try these instead:
*The next time they begin the afternoon meltdown, stop what you are doing, walk away with your child to a quiet location, speak the Truth into them & allow them to have their moment while sitting in you arms. I do realize this is difficult to do ~ especially when your grocery cart is filled with food or you are at the mall with friends. BUT, a young child will not understand your point if you do not do it right then & there. Period.
*As they begin fighting with a sibling or a playgroup friend, sit down with them and remind them of how we play nicely together by modeling it yourself. If it doesn't stop with you next to them, remind them again & separate the two (or more) for a moment. If it still continues, walk away with your child, again speaking God's Word into them about how we treat our friends & show self-control. Surely you Will hear 8,000 times a day: "But he did it first!!!" We are not accountable for others' actions; Only our own. And again, unless this is modeled to them IN THE PROCESS, they will find it difficult to learn.
I don't pretend to sit here typing away & think my unborn daughter will never have a temper tantrum or bite her friend or that she will never disobey to the point she needs a reminder or grab a toy out of another child's hand because "she was playing with it first." What I do commit to you today ~ 4 months before she's here ~ is that I WILL stop & teach her these things because God called me to be her model, her teacher, her example, her mentor. Yes, I will fail. I will fail A LOT! I ask for your prayers as my husband & I seek God's counsel on raising her & your encouragement when we do walk away with her in our attempts to teach her Godly character.
What do I hope you can see from this prompting of my heart? That Jesus had self-control & He asks only of us to follow His example. When you are raising your children, follow His example & do not grow weary in doing so. But when you do ~ call the friends who will lift you up, pray over you & your child, let you vent, but get you right back on the horse of parenting because it is one of your greatest callings in life. Showing self-control is the key to your child understanding it.
