I still remember every moment. I can close my eyes and picture who was where; What was happening; Movements & noises in the room; Who spoke. It happens often. Not just on the 7th of every month. And no, it doesn't "go away with time." What does happen, though, is God's constant reminder of His love for me & how He provides the strength for me to keep moving forward continues to be shown time & time again.
I called to the Lord, even though the cords of death entangled me & the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. In my distress I called for the Lord. In His temple, HE HEARD MY VOICE.
My sister posted on her daughter's site this morning. ( www.forsydney.net ) She would have been two years old today. The replaying started late last night ... I recalled when we drove to the hospital ... I remembered when she was admitted ... I closed my eyes & thought of how quiet the room was until she got her epidural ... I remember posts on facebook ... I remember watching the team of doctors & nurses walk, without making eye contact...like a band of brothers, into her room 61 minutes later ... I didn't sleep well last night as I continued remembering the rest of the night & wee hours of the morning. Lindsay said it perfectly though ... We all deal with it differently!
The earth trembled & quaked...He parted the heavens & earth...He soared on the wings on the wind...The Lord thundered from heaven & reached down from on high & took my hand.
Some of us get angry. Some of us get quiet. Others decide to cry while others take it farther & become depressed. Like my sister, I want to talk about it. God gave my sister & our family a HUGE platform. I pray we never use it ineffectively or for less than what God called it.
He brought me out into a spacious place because HE DELIGHTED IN ME.
El Shaddai means All-Sufficient or The One who is Enough. If I focus on this, I can remember ~ along with all of the other remembrances ~ that He is enough. He gives and He takes away. But He does this for our own protection. We may not understand it OR like it. I go back, however, to the meaning of El Shaddai: The One who is Enough.
He can handle my tears.
He can handle my questions.
He can handle my worries.
He can handle my sadness.
He can handle it all.
He knows my heart & He knows how to handle me. HE CREATED ME!
He keeps my lamp burning & turned my darkness into light.
The greatest hope in my life is that I can show Christ to others. It's usually easy when life is grand. But in the darkest of days & the stormiest of times, do others notice my eyes are focused on Him? Can others tell that heart wants nothing more than Jesus & Jesus alone? When I write this, do you know that I pray constantly as I type, delete, retype, close, pray over, & then post? For the only reason that I want you to see HIS hand writing from the outpouring of my heart.
You make Your saving grace my shield...The Lord lives. Praise be to Him! He avenges me & saves me & I will praise You. I will sing the praises of Your Name.
(scripture taken from Psalm 18)
I pray when your family goes through times of trials & struggles, that you are teaching your children that the God we serve is more powerful than any enemy or foe. I pray you show them, through your own actions, that even the toughest situations are to be used for God's glory. I pray you speak His Word into their little lives & let them know that He has a VERY specific purpose for each one of us & that none of us would be here if He did not intend it. And that for this reason, we will walk humbly down the path He traced for us, knowing that One Day...such a glorious day it will be...We will know.
"In that day you will no longer ask me anything." John 16:23
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